


the chances we could have taken.

by angelkoushi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, First Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Swearing, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelkoushi/pseuds/angelkoushi
Summary: "This is to all the lies we've told, and all the truths that would have saved us the trouble. This is to pride, to keeping up appearances, to missed timings and words unsaid. To all the things you deserved that I couldn't give, and to all the things you would have accepted had I offered them. This is to what we could have been earlier than we became, beyond everything that already was."Or, in which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have not spoken to each other in three years, so before they graduated, Matsukawa and Hanamaki finally decided to do something about it.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	the chances we could have taken.

**[ February 2013. ]**

Oikawa first got wind of the plan from Mattsun.

If he had been the sort who sleeps in on a Saturday morning, his friend’s message shortly before 6 AM would have annoyed him to no end. As it were, he was already fresh out of the shower from his morning jog when his phone started buzzing.

**Mattsun** (5:24 AM): [ hope you’re awake ]

 **Mattsun** (5:28 AM): [ oikawa?? ]

 **Oikawa** (5:32 AM): [ just got out of the shower, sorry ]

 **Oikawa** (5:32 AM): [ what’s up ]

 **Mattsun** (5:32 AM): [ get dressed ]

 **Mattsun** (5:33 AM): [ we’re going on a trip ]

 **Oikawa** (5:33 AM): [ IS THIS A DATE?? ]

 **Oikawa** (5:33 AM): [ aww mattsun, i hate to tell you this, but you’re taken ]

 **Mattsun** (5:33 AM): [ i KNOW i’m taken, and by a pretty good man too ]

 **Mattsun** (5:35 AM): [ just get ready, i’ll be over in 10 ]

He smiled at his phone, already feeling the excitable jitters down his abdomen. Mattsun and Makki knew how to have fun, as he had come to find out in the three years he had known them. Always down for a spontaneous adventure, Oikawa dressed warmly and went out of the house to wait for his friend.

Iwaizumi, on the other hand, was in for a rude awakening.

Promptly seven minutes before six, his phone went off beside his ear – to which he reacted with a string of colorful cusswords. Not bothering to find out who it was, he took the call.

“Get in, loser, we’re going shopping.”

“Fuck off, Hanamaki.”

“Well aren’t you chipper this morning.”

Iwaizumi rolled over, but still wouldn’t get up. “What the hell are you waking a body up before sunrise for?”

“First, the sun has already been up for a good half hour. And second, you best be getting up now if you still want a shower before we get there.”

To which the only intelligent answer he could give was, “Huh?”

“Issei got you coffee, just bring your ass out of the house. We’ll be there in five.”

“Hanam—”

But his friend had already dropped the call. Disoriented, pissed beyond belief, and yet having no doubt that his friends really were on their way to his house, Iwaizumi got up and woke himself proper in the cold shower.

Five minutes and a hurried shower later, just as Iwaizumi was stepping out of their gate, he saw Matsukawa’s blue sedan turn into the street. It was an early grad gift from his parents, and they have yet to use it for anything fun. Well, the three of them, at least, since the two lovebirds have probably gone on a few dates in it. And then some. Iwaizumi refused to think about that.

Apparently, today was the day he got to be the glorious third wheel.

Hanamaki rolled down the passenger side window and handed Iwaizumi a steaming cup of strong, black coffee before he could get inside the car. And couldn’t help a curse when he saw who else was inside.

“What the fuck.”

His hand gripped the door handle to the back door like it was his lifeline as the world tilted sideways. Inside, just behind the driver’s seat and looking just as shocked and appalled as he was, was Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa’s eyes and the way his face crumpled looked like he wanted to say something just as rude back, but pursed his lips and looked away instead. He sunk into corner of the backseat and the opposite door, looking outside the window with intention.

It wasn’t like Iwaizumi hadn’t seen Oikawa before. It was quite hard to miss that dazzling presence. They were in middle school together, way before Matsukawa and Hanamaki started dating. They even had a sort of interlude with each other sometime toward the end of the school year, which ended just as quickly as it started and resulted to their whole high school lives not speaking, looking, or even breathing within five meters of each other. Getting in that car meant coming the closest he ever got to the brunette in three years.

“Hurry up, the day isn’t going to wait for you.”

Iwaizumi flashed Hanamaki a fierce glare, but Hanamaki was already looking ahead. Faced with a ridiculously sudden decision, Iwaizumi chose the one that brought less of a blow to his pride. He got inside the car and slammed the door closed, earning him a warning look from Matsukawa.

In hindsight, he probably should have stayed on the opposite side of the door and shut it to their faces. But that would have looked like he was running away. The thought unsettled him.

In other circumstances, Oikawa might have enjoyed the trip. Mattsun drove them out of the city and into the highway flanked on both sides with rice fields as far as the eyes could see. On his side of the road, Oikawa glimpsed blue mountains in the western horizon, framed clouds tinged in soft pinks and golds. He would have wanted very much to see the sunrise and take pictures, but he refused to turn in _his_ direction.

In contrast, Iwaizumi was suffering, as he had been since he got up that morning.

The early sun was in his eyes, his coffee all gone, and he was still seething from being tricked into a trip he hadn’t wanted in the first place. He would have slept the whole trip off if not for the blasted sunlight. He messaged Hanamaki most of the way, only to curse at him and demand his reasons and tell him to go die. Eventually, Hanamaki stopped replying altogether, leaving Iwaizumi to brood and sulk.

The ride took all of five hours. Matsukawa drove them up a mountain, driving through the twisty roads with the skill of a well-practiced driver. He never floored it, and the gentle rocking of the car challenged Hanamaki’s ability to keep awake the whole while. He fidgeted in his seat, checked his phone, occasionally ran his fingers through his boyfriend dark mass of curly hair. Matsukawa appreciated the affectionate gesture when they came, as he was also still a little sleepy from their early start.

To all of their relief, Matsukawa finally rolled into a complex in the mountains. They passed by restaurants and cafes and outlet stores until the car came to a stop in front of a hotel. The first one out the door was Iwaizumi, grumbling about needing to use the restroom.

Despite himself, Oikawa stared at Iwaizumi’s retreating back before snapping out of it.

Mattsun clamped a hand down Oikawa’s shoulder, not failing to notice where his gaze travelled. “We’ll go to the restroom a bit, then we can look for a place to eat. You sure you don’t need a refresher?”

Oikawa shook his head. “I’ll be at the pizzeria. I’ve been craving it.”

“Alright, see you there, then.”

Oikawa took his time alone to look around. The weather was even colder up in the mountain, but the snow had long gone. The trees reached up to the cold, blue sky like gnarled hands, and Oikawa knew they would soon be bursting with pink bouquets of cherry blossoms. Right in time for graduation.

Digging his hands in his pockets, he walked along the sidewalk and observed the shops he passed by. There were not a lot of people; it was still a school weekend, after all. They only had the extra time off because as seniors, they finished their academic year a month early to get ready for what comes next.

_What comes next._

Oikawa turned into the pizzeria and grabbed a booth by the window. His thoughts flooded with future possibilities as he absentmindedly scrolled through his phone.

_Volleyball. Migration. Argentina._

The bell at the front of the store tinkled, and Makki slid into the booth with him.

“Mattsun isn’t here yet. And I haven’t ordered.”

“I’ll spot it. Coffee? Toast?”

Now Oikawa was intrigued. He wasn’t exactly in the kind of relationship with Makki where the latter would treat him to breakfast when it was just the two of them. Between the two, Oikawa was closer to Mattsun throughout most of his teen years. He just sort of got to know Makki in high school when the two started dating, although he knew they were all in the same middle school together.

The same middle school, Oikawa thought before he could stop himself, where he and Iwaizumi first met.

“Okay, since I’m spotting lunch, let me ask you a question.”

There was a glint in Makki’s eyes that made Oikawa want to shirk away. “I knew there was a catch.”

“Just answer me this: what happened between you and Iwaizumi?”

Oikawa sighed. _There it is._ “Are you my psychiatrist?”

“I’m willing to be your friend. We’ve known each other these three years, Oikawa. You even have a damn nickname for me.” Makki pursed his lips. “We were both there, Issei and I, when it all happened. But we have no idea what really went down. Neither of you talked to us.”

_Ah, so he didn’t spill either, that brute._

Oikawa sighed again. He brought his hands around his warm mug, but it did nothing for the cold he felt under the skin of his fingertips. Remembering three years ago was not an easy task for him; it was something he wished fervently he could repress and just forget altogether.

But Makki looked so concerned, and Oikawa knew Mattsun was also just as worried for him. He would often catch the two glancing at him, and then each other, whenever he and the brute were within five meters of each other. It was a tense three years.

Because he knew Makki would never let him off the mountain without first hearing the story, and because Makki had already proved himself trustworthy all this time, Oikawa began to open his own personal pandora’s box.

“Just know that I reserve the right to stop talking when the other two get here.”

Makki smiled. “Sure.” Never mind that he had explicitly asked his boyfriend to take Iwaizumi somewhere else entirely, so that both hardheaded boys could tell their stories freely.

“It all began with a damn chemistry notebook.”

* * *

**[ Three years ago. January 2010. ]**

_Shoot where is it?_

Oikawa dug into his school bag, panicking. The pile of his things grew higher in his desk, but after turning his bag inside out, he still couldn’t find his damn science notebook. He let out a frustrated groan. His unfinished chemistry problem set was in there and it was due tomorrow.

“You’re not going home yet, Oikawa?”

A silver-haired boy passed by Oikawa’s desk, eyeballing the pile of things on top of the table. Sugawara Koushi, vice president of the student council and top student in their class, always knew what’s up.

“Not till I find my science notebook.”

“Where’d you lose it?” Matsukawa asked, plunking himself on the desk in front.

Sugawara looked thoughtful. “Was it a green one? Spiral?”

Oikawa whirled his head up. “You’ve seen it?”

“I think I saw one like it in the student council room. I’m not sure though.”

But Oikawa was already up and running, yelling “thanks a ton Suga-chan!” to Sugawara who shook his head. He skidded out of the room and jogged down the hallways. He probably shouldn’t have, but it was already late enough as it is and Oikawa had to dedicate the entire night to answering that problem set.

No matter than it had been given a week ago. He’s just going to ignore that.

Oikawa finally turned into the hallway where the student council room was and yanked the door open – only to bump head-first into someone coming out. He yelped as momentum pushed him onto the floor.

“Shoot, sorry. You shouldn’t have been running.”

Oikawa prepared a retort, but it was stuffed back down his throat and when he saw who the other person was.

Iwaizumi Hajime, the student council president (and longtime secret crush of Oikawa’s, another thing he’s going to ignore), extended his arm his hand to him. He just blinked at it.

“Are you getting up or not?”

Shook from his reverie, Oikawa took the outstretched hand and let himself be pulled up. Iwaizumi was definitely a few centimeters shorter than him, but he was able to help him up no problem. The touch of his hand – calloused and tanned – lingered in Oikawa’s palm.

“You alright?”

Damn, even his voice was attractive.

“Yeah.” Oikawa cleared the squeak from his throat. “I mean, yeah. Thanks. Sugawara mentioned seeing a science notebook in the student council room?”

It was as if a light in the other boy’s dark eyes flashed, leaving Oikawa breathless. He reached back inside the room and procured a green notebook. “Oh, so this is yours. Hanamaki mentioned a name. You’re Oikawa?”

 _Oh god he even knows my name now._ “Yeah! Oikawa Tooru.”

“Iwaizumi Hajime.”

 _I_ know _, good god. How can I not?_

Oikawa managed a smile. “Thanks!” He grabbed the notebook and ran the hell out of there before he could say anything more embarrassing. It didn’t help that Iwaizumi yelled “Stop running in the hallway!” behind him.

Iwaizumi waited until the silly boy was gone before looking back into the council room to check it one last time. There was a piece of paper on the floor, and when he saw what it was, he smiled as he wondered how he was going to give it back.

Oikawa arrived home flushed, chemistry problem set completely forgotten. Before he’d even taken his blazer off, he was messaging Sugawara for Iwaizumi’s number. Suga must have rolled his eyes a dozen times when he asked why Oikawa didn’t bother ask for it when they’ve already seen each other, but he gave it anyway.

It took a good half hour for Oikawa to figure out what he wanted to say.

**Oikawa** (6:48 PM): [ thanks again for holding onto my notebook! ]

 **Oikawa** (6:48 PM): [ this is oikawa, by the way ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:49 PM): [ hello! i was just about to figure out how to contact you ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:49 PM): [ how did you get my number? ]

 **Oikawa** (6:50 PM): [ uh… a friend? ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:50 PM): [ … sugawara -.- … ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:50 PM): [ whatever, i was going to text you anyway ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:51 PM): [ you left something else in the club room ]

Oikawa was beside himself. _Iwaizumi_ wanted to contact _him_? He left something _else_ in the clubroom? He hurriedly punched back a reply.

**Oikawa** (6:51 PM): [ what was it? ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:51 PM): [ your chem problem set ]

Eyes wide, Oikawa grabbed his notebook and flipped through it. True enough, the slip of paper containing the problem set was gone. He let out a curse.

**Oikawa** (6:52 PM): [ GOD IM SO CLUMSY T^T can you take a pic and send it over please? ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:52 PM): [ do you need help with it? ]

 **Oikawa** (6:52 PM): [ … yes. tho how you know that, im not sure ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:53 PM): [ lol just a feeling ]

 **Iwaizumi** (6:53 PM): [ meet me in the library tomorrow before class, 6am? ]

 **Oikawa** (6:53 PM): [ YES PLEASE THANK YOU!!! ]

Oikawa fell back on the bed, heart racing and body squirming with excitement. He scrolled through the messages again, from the beginning, and read everything twice over. Iwaizumi was nicer than he looked, which was almost unfair because he usually looked pretty good, regardless of whether he smiled or not.

Of course, Oikawa loved seeing his smiles the most, because they happened so rarely.

And now, he was going to meet Iwaizumi Hajime in the library before class to work on the chemistry problem set. It’s the closest he’s ever gotten to a date, so to hell with it: he would call this their first date.

Oikawa took his notebook and gave it a smack of a kiss.

The next morning, Oikawa was at school early enough to watch the day shift guard open the gates. He waited until the earliest students started arriving before walking in, or else he would’ve looked too eager. Three minutes before six, Iwaizumi walked up to him at the library entrance.

“Did you wait long?” His nose was just a little red from the cold, and he had an adorable navy-blue scarf with a bright green stripe on it around his neck. _Cute._

Oikawa shook his head. “Just got here.” _You liar you’ve been waiting for half an hour._

The pair of them made their way to a corner table, and Iwaizumi quickly began taking out his own notebook, a pad of paper, his pens, and Oikawa’s problem set. Without wasting any time, he began to explain item number one.

As the minutes ticked by, Oikawa found himself entranced by Iwaizumi’s voice. It rumbled, but not with anger. It was almost soothing, reassuring, like the solid ground beneath your feet. Everyone knew that Iwaizumi rarely smiled, and he also looked like he wouldn’t have a lot of patience.

Oikawa saw Iwaizumi’s face like a storm in its various stages: the calm, the rage, the aftermath. His voice sounded rough and serious whenever he addressed the student body, and his aura always seemed rather tight. It took just a little bit more intimacy, Oikawa noticed, to see beyond that exterior and realize that he was also patient and kind.

Right then, watching him explain the problems to a guy who was only half-listening, Oikawa realized just how much more charming this brute-looking guy really was.

“Hope you got that.”

Blinking back into focus, Oikawa scrambled to answer the current item they were in. He wasn’t a bad student overall; it was just that his science classes were a little harder to understand than languages. He has always been better at bullshitting papers than balancing formulas, and he was pretty proud of it.

“Did I do this right?”

Iwaizumi took slid the notebook over to his side and raked his eyes over it. He nodded. “You got it. And that’s about it. Do you have any questions?”

Oikawa’s smile was wide across his face. “No, sir!” He paused. “Actually, I do have one. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“Nah, you don’t need to do that. It’s the least the student council president could do.”

_You’d have given a whole tutorial for all the struggling students if you’re going to use that as your reason, but let’s pretend I ignored that._

“And it’s the least I could do. Come on, prez. Anything?”

Iwaizumi hesitated, his fingers coming to rest on the table. Oikawa still remembered how they felt against his and grew warm at the memory.

“Well, there _is_ one thing…”

Oikawa waited a beat. “Yes?”

“The project for English.”

He paused, then grinned widely. “I was beginning to wonder if you had any flaws.”

“What?”

 _Oh crap I said that aloud._ “Nothing! This is the poem, isn’t it? I’ll be happy to help.”

Come lunch time, Oikawa and Mattsun made their way to the cafeteria as Oikawa spilled the details of his morning.

“I’m just _so_ happy, Mattsun,” Oikawa was saying, eyes shining. “It shouldn’t be a big deal but it is.”

Mattsun scoffed. “I mean, you _were_ humming all morning, so I figured as much.” He paused a bit, observed Oikawa’s face. “You really like him, don’t you?”

Oikawa’s smile as soft, dripping with adoration. “I do. I think I’ve liked him since some time last year, I don’t know. Maybe when I first saw him. I don’t remember exactly.”

“Why don’t you—”

Right as they came to the top of the stairs, a towering figure confronted them, blocking their way.

“Oikawa.”

The brunette tensed, made to grab Mattsun’s blazer. Except his fingers missed and Mattsun was already ducking away with an apologetic look. Oikawa bared his teeth at him, but the curly-haired boy quickly bounded down the stairs two steps at a time and was gone.

“Oikawa,” said the towering figure again. “Tooru.”

Oikawa sighed. “Yes, Toshi-kun. That’s my name. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Let’s have lunch together.” Ushijima didn’t so much as flinch. For someone asking his crush on a date, no matter if it was just a lunch, he had always been rather stoic.

“Sorry, I’m busy. I, uh… I have to finish my chem problem set.”

“I’ll help you with it.”

“No need! I got it just fine. Thanks anyway.”

This time, the imposing aura slipped a little. Ushijima looked impatient, and not just a little let down. “Will it really kill you to spend less than an hour with me?”

“Sorry, Toshi-kun.”

“No, you’re not.” Ushijima turned, huffed, then made his way down the stairs. Instead of relief, Oikawa was exasperated.

“I mean, you’re not wrong. But you’ll be back anyway because you just can’t take a damn hint. Either that, or you’re just ridiculously persistent.”

Unbeknownst to him, Iwaizumi was also asking someone else out on the other side of the building. If it came down to tenacity, these two boys take the cake.

“Hi Shimizu! Let’s have lunch together?”

The girl in question didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow when she shot him down with no hesitation. “I’ve already eaten.”

“Oh, okay. How about ice cream then, after school? There’s a new café down that street that just opened.”

“I have club activities after classes. You have other friends, right?”

 _I mean, yeah. But I want to be with you._ “Yeah, yeah I do. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with. But okay, I understand.”

Shimizu walked away without another word. Iwaizumi sighed and walked back to the student council room, so obviously dejected that he caught Hanamaki’s attention.

“She said no, huh?”

“As usual.”

As if fate was giving him a second chance, a certain brown-haired boy turned into the hallway and caught his gaze. Iwaizumi didn’t fail to notice the way Oikawa’s fair face turned as pink as Hanamaki’s hair, but said no word of it.

“Oikawa!”

Caught in a trap that he had no intention of getting out from, Oikawa walked toward the pair. “Hi, Iwa-chan! Hi, other friend. I don’t think I know you.”

 _Iwa-chan?_ “Hanamaki Takahiro.” Hanamaki shook Oikawa’s hand as he about the new nickname. “So, you’re the chem guy.”

Iwaiuzmi elbowed him so hard that he doubled over.

Oikawa chuckled, relieved that neither of them commented on the new nickname. He did it with everyone he knew, anyway. “Not really, I suck at it. Good thing prez here saved my ass.”

“Yeah, he’s kind, isn’t he,” replied Hanamaki, his face obviously saying otherwise.

“Get lost, Hanamaki.”

“Gee, thanks.” A look from Iwaizumi made him roll his eyes and step back, arms raised in defeat.

Iwaizumi turned to Oikawa. “Hey. Uh.” Why did it suddenly feel so awkward? And why did he want to go with _this_ guy, of all people?

“Aw, you didn’t have to do that,” said Oikawa as he waved at Hanamaki. “He seems cool.”

“Yeah, he’s alright. Oikawa.”

“Yes, prez?”

“Are you free after class?”

“Yes, sir. Why?”

Iwaizumi fidgeted before he caught himself, but Oikawa noticed. He swallowed a smile. “There’s this new ice cream café down the street, and I wanted to try it out. Would you like to come?”

“With you?” _Duh, Tooru._ “I mean, just me? What about Hanamaki?”

“He can come too, I guess.”

Iwaizumi didn’t want his friend to come along at all. He knew that dumbass would never let him live it down, and who knows what humiliating things he could tell Oikawa while they were out.

And he really didn’t know why he cared.

Oikawa ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing. Iwaizumi’s – _Iwa-chan’s_ – thoughts were written all over his face.

“Alright, Iwa-chan,” said Oikawa, trying out the nickname again. “You could have just said straight-up you wanted to go out with me.”

The look of panic was absolutely stunning on Iwaizumi. He grew red across his nose, his gaze averted, and his hands made their way behind his back. It wasn’t everyday you get to see a normally calm, collected guy flustered to stuttering.

“I didn’t… Well, I guess… I mean…” _It’s that ‘Iwa-chan’ again. Is he going to keep calling me that? I don’t think I can take it._

“I’ll meet you at the gate at 5pm. That cool?”

Iwaizumi still wouldn’t meet his gaze, but he said a quiet “yeah, cool” before turning on his heel and stalking away. He heard Oikawa let out a hiss of laughter and waited just until he disappeared behind a wall before making a run for it.

_Why am I losing my shit over this?_

Their friendship continued like so.

Oikawa soon discovered that Iwaizumi lived close by his own house, so they began walking home together quite a lot. He became the person Oikawa turned to for help in academics he struggled in, and the same vice versa. They started spending a lot more time together outside of class: lunch breaks and recess, during weekends, after school.

The both of them were visibly enjoying each other’s company, so much that Hanamaki grew suspicious.

“You seem really into this, aren’t you? Into him, I mean.”

The pair of them were hanging out on the rooftop of the building with one other person they’ve come to know. Oikawa had club activities; otherwise he would also be up there with them. Instead, he had introduced the new friend into the fold: Matsukawa Issei, whom Hanamaki happened to find really attractive.

But that was beside the point; right now, the point was that Iwaizumi seemed to be balancing two different people at once. Hanamaki didn’t hesitate to tell it as he saw it.

Iwaizumi socked his upper arm. “Don’t be crass. I’m not balancing them.”

“Aren’t you? You still like Shimizu, don’t you? And anyone with two eyes can tell you like Oikawa.”

Iwaizumi cast a glance at Matsukawa, but the bigger boy merely looked at him with unreadable eyes. He sighed. He shrugged.

“I mean, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what?” Matsukawa always sounded so serious when he spoke, like you never knew if he was going to make a joke or knock you in the face. “You don’t know which of the two of them you like?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I know it isn’t,” chimed Hanamaki. “But that doesn’t give you leave to be a jerk.”

“I know, goddammit, I know! I just…” He glanced at Matsukawa. “Do you think Oikawa likes me too?”

This time, the reaction was evident on Matsukawa’s face. He frowned. “Does it matter? Will you choose someone just because they like you back?”

“No. I don’t know!” He whirled away from them, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Is that wrong though? Is it wrong to want someone who likes me more than I like them for once? Damn it!”

“You’re an asshole. You know that, right?”

 _I do._ Grumbling, he stalked away, already with a plan forming in his mind. It was all still confusing, but when it came down to it, decisions were easy to make if he looked at everything from a rational perspective. Never mind what he felt, he’ll deal with that later.

Matsukawa made to walk after Iwaizumi, but Hanamaki’s hand on his chest stopped him. Never mind that Hanamaki almost squealed at the brush of muscle he felt under that shirt for that fraction of a second. That wasn’t the _point._

“Let’s leave him for a bit. He knows what he has to do.”

“You trust him?”

Hanamaki shrugged. “We kind of have to.”

Iwaizumi made his way to Shimizu’s classroom just as the girl in question stepped out of it. To her credit, she didn’t bolt at once upon seeing him.

“Shimizu. Can we talk?” He paused, balled his fists. “This is the last time, I swear.”

Shimizu sighed, but nodded and followed Iwaizumi to the stairwell. And waited patiently as Iwaizumi struggled over what to say.

“I don’t want to hurry you, but lunch break is ending soon.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Here goes.” He took a heavy breath. “You know I like you, right?”

“You’ve been very explicit about it.”

Iwaizumi fought the urge to run away. “Yes, well. I’ve liked you since the beginning of this year, and you’ve made it clear that you… That you don’t feel the same way.”

“That I have.”

_She’s so cold. She’s beautiful and smart and caring when she wants to be, but she can also be so damn cold._

Iwaizumi let out a shuddering breath. “I guess this is my way of saying goodbye. Thank you for being patient with me all this time. I hope this doesn’t ruin the chance of us being friends someday.”

“It doesn’t. Thank you for your feelings, Iwaizumi.”

He noticed, after she had walked away from him again for the last time, that she wasn’t sorry she couldn’t accept them.

“Damn it, I still like you though.” He sighed, hands in his pockets, and walked up the stairs to return to his own classroom.

And came to see Oikawa standing at the top of the stairwell, gripping the handrail with white knuckles. Iwaizumi felt the blood drain from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, but he couldn’t tell exactly why.

The other boy managed a shaky smile. “Hi, Iwa-chan.”

“How long have you been there?”

“Er, long enough. I swear I didn’t hear a thing if you don’t want me too. I’m so sorry, I should have left.”

Iwaizumi felt so _stupid_. “No, _I’m_ sorry. I should have told you about Shimizu.”

Oikawa let out a nervous laugh. “Why? It’s not like we’re together. You don’t owe me anything.” _Even if I do like you, but as usual, I’ll ignore that._

“Still, I feel like I should have said something.”

“It’s really okay.” Oikawa’s smile was wide, accommodating. “We can still be friends, can’t we? I mean, that’s what we’ve always been. Right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can.”

Right on time, the bell rang. Oikawa took this chance to say “later!” and disappeared up the stairs. It left Iwaizumi in what felt like a deeper ditch than he expected to fall in.

Of all the people he thought would confront him by the end of the day, it was Ushijima who met him at the gates.

“Iwaizumi.”

“Yo. What’s up?”

“Did you make Oikawa cry?”

Iwaizumi froze in his tracks. Only then did he notice that the taller boy had his hands balled into fists at his sides. His face was as stoic as ever, but the rest of his body shook with a silent rage.

“I didn’t.” _Well, maybe I did._ “He’s crying?”

“His eyes were red when he ran out of their room after last period.”

“Shit. Where is he?”

“He went home with Matsukawa.”

“I didn’t make him cry.” _Keep lying to yourself, Hajime. See if it does anything for you._

“It doesn’t change the fact. I’ve seen you two, and anyone can tell that Oikawa likes you. So if you did anything to hurt him—”

“Wait.”

Iwaizumi held his hand up in an attempt to anchor himself as the earth seemed to disappear from under his feet. _Oikawa likes him too?_

He looked up at Ushijima square in the face. “Why am I discussing this with you? This is none of your business.”

“It is if it concerns the guy I like!”

Iwaizumi started. That was the first time he ever heard Ushijima raise his voice. A few close passers-by turned toward the noise and Iwaizumi wanted to bury himself in the earth.

“Ushijima—”

“If you can’t make him happy, Iwaizumi, back off. Or I swear to god, you’ll regret it.”

Without giving him a chance to say anything back, Ushijima walked away. Iwaizumi felt himself sinking deeper into the proverbial ditch as he walked home alone.

To be fair to himself whenever he looked back on it, Iwaizumi had mulled over the whole situation in his head for a long time.

He weighed the pros and cons, considered what he felt about Oikawa, and about Shimizu. Already he saw what Hanamaki meant when he said he was being a jerk and an asshole. Not that he would ever admit to that out loud.

He knew Ushijima was right: he couldn’t make Oikawa happy, even if he did like him now. Not when he wasn’t sure whether he likes Oikawa as he was, or if it was only because Oikawa likes him back. And he definitely cannot make Oikawa happy now, not when he was still hung up on Shimizu.

It wouldn’t do to make Oikawa wait either, on the off-chance that he gets over his own crush and _maybe_ figures out what he really felt. That would be cruel, and it would be better to leave Oikawa to someone who could take care of him. Even if it was Ushijima.

After careful consideration, he did what he thought best and slowly began to distance himself from Oikawa.

He thought he was being slick, but it actually didn’t take him long to stop replying to Oikawa’s texts, avoiding him in school, walking home earlier or later than they usually did. It took work to shake the brown-haired boy off; even Iwaizumi had to recognize that Oikawa was as tenacious as he was when he was trying to catch Shimizu’s attention.

That realization made him feel rotten inside. _He was doing to Oikawa exactly what Shimizu did to him, and he knew exactly how painful that was._

Eventually, Oikawa stopped reaching out to him as well. He noticed that it took Oikawa a lot faster to get over it than he did with Shimizu.

That was better, he decided as their middle school graduation grew closer. They were probably going to end up in different high schools anyway. He just wasn’t good for Oikawa, and he was willing to accept that.

Whatever they had between them for the last two months eventually lapsed into nothing, right when the snow finally melted and gave way to spring.

* * *

**[ Current time. February 2013. ]**

“So, it _was_ your fault.”

Iwaizumi fixed Matsukawa a glare.

The sun had set a couple of hours ago as the story progressed, and the two have made their way through two bowls of ramen each. Iwaizumi had long forgotten that the two other boys still haven’t met up with them.

“What would you have done, if it were you?”

Matsukawa shrugged. “I would’ve told him something, at least. But this isn’t about me.”

Before Iwaizumi could say anything to defend himself, Matsukawa’s phone on the table rang with the contact “Babe” on top.

“Hiro? Are you done?”

“I helped Oikawa back to the hotel. He’s hyperventilating, so I let him sleep it off first. Panic attack. Do you know what we can give him?”

Iwaizumi happened to hear Hanamaki from the other line and his heart grew tight. He got up and made his way to the bathroom, hands in his pockets and huffing. Matsukawa rolled his eyes.

“We can get him an inhaler. We’re about down here too.”

“Iwaizumi?”

“He’s off to the bathroom, I guess. Pissed himself off after the whole story and he doesn’t even have the right. What should we do now?”

“My original plan was to leave them here for the night, actually.”

Matsukawa’s elbow slipped off the table. “What?!”

“You know that fic trope where a couple only has one bed and they have to share it? It always works, Issei.”

“Not in this context! Babe you really need to start telling me your whole plan—”

Hanamaki clicked his tongue. “I know, babe. I’m not stupid. We’re not leaving them anymore, but we _will_ give them space. When you bring Iwaizumi back here, let’s go out and get Oikawa that inhaler.”

Despite himself, Matsukawa grinned. “You’re so conniving. Where did you get the money for all of this?”

“We’re splitting it, of course.”

Iwaizumi paced back and forth in the hotel room. Oikawa was just a few paces away, writhing in the bed and breathing laboriously. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were not back yet, and they had Oikawa’s inhaler.

They could have been on a whole date, for all he knew. But deep down he had to admit that couldn’t be true. Matsukawa was fiercely loyal to Oikawa, and he and Hanamaki have been with him since they got to high school. They wouldn’t leave the guy when they knew he was sick, especially with someone like Iwaizumi.

He also knew that it made more sense for the pair of them to go rather than stay, because Matsukawa knew what inhaler to get for Oikawa, and Hanamaki was the boyfriend, not him.

Which left him in the hotel room with a sick person he knew he didn’t have any right to nurse or even talk to.

_What is this shithole I got myself into?_

“S-stop walking a-around, for crying out l-loud,” wheezed Oikawa from the bed. “Your f-footsteps a— _ha_ —are too loud. C-can’t sleep.”

“Sorry.” Iwaizumi sank down on the couch, only to jump back up when the door finally opened. He grabbed his jacket and scarf and stomped out of the unit as Matsukawa and Hanamaki came in, ignoring the questions they trailed after him.

Mattsun shook his head and made his way to Oikawa, who eagerly took the inhaler.

“You alive?”

“Barely.” He looked past the two, out toward the door. “He really couldn’t stand being in one space with me, can he?”

Makki crossed his arms. “It’s not your fault. He’s still figuring things out.”

Oikawa fixed Makki a withering look. “Three fucking years is a long time.” He paused, then fixed the two a look. “And no one said I’m waiting.”

Makki and Mattsun exchanged a look that Oikawa chose to ignore.

Around midnight, Oikawa’s phone rang. He winced when he saw the number, forgetting that he hadn’t erased it yet when he swore he would.

Iwaizumi’s voice came through a little garbled. The signal in the mountain was a little shaky. “Are you awake?”

Oikawa hoisted himself up against the headboard. Beyond the bed he saw Mattsun and Makki cuddled on an extra mattress they had ordered in. He kept his voice low.

“No shit. Why?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Come back to the room and see. Why do you care?” Oikawa couldn’t help the bite from his voice.

“I’m—” _Your friend? Your schoolmate? Just concerned? Screw it._ “I can be worried about someone I came on a trip with, can’t I? I don’t want to ride home with a corpse.”

Oikawa’s voice was tired. “What do you want?”

“Can we talk?”

“We’re talking already. And I’m too tired to move. Can it wait?”

“No.”

_The audacity of this bitch._

“Okay, since apparently you’ve deemed me important enough to actually speak to me, let me say what I want to say and you listen.”

There was a pause. “Okay.”

To his surprise, Oikawa didn’t know what he wanted to say at once.

_Why did you avoid me?_

_Did I do something wrong?_

_Did you get tired of me?_

_I miss you._

He shook his head, levelled his thoughts. He could already feel the tightening in his chest as he dove back into his memories for the second time that day. He ignored the pain.

“Explain why you suddenly disappeared on me in middle school. You agreed that we were still friends after what happened, but you just slowly dropped me without even an explanation. I… I thought we were friends, at least.”

Iwaizumi heard the gulp, the difficulty with which Oikawa pushed the words out as he went on.

“I would’ve been fine as your friend, Hajime. I really would have, if it meant keeping you near me. That was the best I could have hoped for, ever. And I was happy with that, I really was. But you just… just let me go, like I never mattered. I wondered… if I did something wrong…”

Iwaizumi’s jaw clenched at the use of his first name. Oikawa didn’t notice that he had slipped back to calling him by it. They had gotten that far before, he remembered now. He was either ‘Iwa-chan’ or ‘Hajime’. He used to call him Tooru a lot too.

_Well, here goes nothing._

“Can I speak now?”

A shaky breath. “Go, shoot.”

“I still liked Shimizu back then.” _It was easier than he thought, admitting that when it was all behind him._ “Even after she turned me down and I’ve said goodbye, I couldn’t just remove my feelings for her. But I knew I liked you then too.” _That was the harder confession to make, as it was still true._ “I can’t keep liking her while also liking you. That wouldn’t be fair to you.”

The contraction in Oikawa’s chest increased. _He liked me. He liked me too._

“So, you just dropped me because you chose her. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No. No, I didn’t choose her. At the time, Ushijima confronted me.”

Oikawa frowned. _What does he have to do with anything?_ “And?”

“He told me to back off if I couldn’t make you happy, so I did. I knew between the two of us, he had the better chance of loving you the way you deserve. I couldn’t make you happy, and figured he could.”

 _What the fuck._ The air in the room suddenly grew thin. It became harder and harder to breathe. Oikawa put a palm against his thundering heart to ease the growing pain.

Iwaizumi kept on.

“I know I should have talked to you, and I was wrong there. I’m sorry about that. You’ve always deserved better than what I could give you. That hasn’t changed. I couldn’t accept your feelings, but it also wasn’t right to make you wait indefinitely if and when I could. Whatever I chose to do, I would’ve hurt you either way.”

Oikawa was closer over the edge now. His chest felt like it was being squeezed, his heart beat frantically like a caged bird. The next words were unbelievably difficult to say aloud.

“First…” _Breathe, Tooru._ “First of all, fuck you.”

“What—”

“No, you shut up and listen.” He didn’t care anymore if his voice woke the other two. He was just so _angry._ “Fuck you, Iwaizumi Hajime. Fuck you and Ushijima both. How dare you make decisions for me? Am I a toy? A fucking _possession_? ‘Hey bro, this one’s mine, could you back off?’ ‘Sure bro, he’s all yours.’ What the actual fuck?!”

Iwaizumi was stunned into silence. Oikawa rambled on, filling in the silence with words as if they could take the place of the air rapidly decreasing around him.

“I would’ve _waited_ for you, you jackass. If it meant being with you, I would have waited for as long as you needed. But you didn’t consider that, did you? You didn’t…” _Fuck my heart hurts. I can’t fucking breathe._ “You didn’t consider it at all! God! You’re such an asshole!”

He didn’t notice when Mattsun and Makki woke up and came to the bed, didn’t notice Mattsun stroking his back and Makki holding out his inhaler. He didn’t even notice when he ended the call. He was crying and hyperventilating and shaking from head to toe. Wild thoughts and anger and betrayal resurfaced in his brain a mile a second, as if they were as fresh as yesterday.

All he heard were Iwaizumi final words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tooru.”

* * *

The car ride home the next day was excruciatingly painful. They were all quiet as they checked out of the hotel and bundled into the car. Oikawa was huddled on one side of the backseat, skin pale and softly snoring. All their scarves except for Iwaizumi’s wrapped around his neck and torso. He shifted in his sleep every so often, and fatigue was evident in the shadows under his eyes.

And it was no wonder why he was tired.

After Iwaizumi ended the call the previous night, another had taken its place at once. Hanamaki sounded pissed beyond belief. “Where are you?”

“I went on a walk. Why?”

“Oikawa is hyperventilating again. What did you do?!”

 _Oh shit._ “I… We just talked! Shit Hanamaki, I don’t know!” He raked a hand through his hair that his scalp stung. “What does he need? I’ll get it before I come back.”

“Don’t you dare jump a cliff, you worthless pea brain. Your death belongs to me. Hurry back.”

“I don’t think seeing me would help him. I’ll come back when he falls asleep.”

And that was that. Hanamaki messaged him when Oikawa had finally fallen asleep, and he slunk back into the hotel room like a boy run from home. The three of them tried to sleep, but only Hanamaki succeeded, and only because he was apparently the driver back to Miyagi and Matsukawa insisted that he get some rest.

Between the two of them, Matsukawa and Iwaizumi made sure Oikawa was comfortable every few hours, then lapsed into long periods of silence in between. Just before the break of dawn, Matsukawa finally addressed him.

“You broke him, you know.”

The statement was a punch to Iwaizumi’s gut. It hurt more because now he _knew_. “Yeah. His outburst told me as much. I was stupid.”

“That you were, sir. Are you still stupid now?”

Iwaizumi glanced at him. “What else is there to be stupid about now? I chose a path back then, and I’m still on it. I will take responsibility for it for the rest of my life.”

Matsukawa’s face, as usual, was blank. But it was the sort of blank that was supposed to look insulting. “Never mind, you _are_ still stupid.”

“What the hell, Matsukawa. If you’re going to jibe at me, just go to sleep.”

The other boy ignored him. “You’re not taking responsibility. You’re running away again. Just like you did before.”

Iwaizumi glared pointedly at him. “And just what am I running away from now, may I ask?”

“Your feelings for him.”

“I-I don’t have feelings for him. Not anymore.” In a quieter voice, he added, “and what would it matter if I still do? I’ve already hurt him enough. I don’t deserve him.”

Matsukawa huffed, almost laughed at how ridiculous the other boy sounded. _‘I don’t have feelings for him’ my ass._

“You’re blind as a bat, aren’t you? Wasn’t the problem before that you shoved a decision in his face without even asking him? You’re doing the same right now. You’re taking his choice away because it’s what _you_ think is best for him, and then you just expect him to roll with it. Oikawa is not a child, and even if he was, it’s not your responsibility to keep him from making his choices, even if those choices end up hurting him. You don’t respect him at all.”

Iwaizumi winced. Matsukawa rarely went on long monologues, and this particular one was laced with poison. The truth of it cut him, and he had no choice but to let it. Iwaizumi had quite forgotten that before all this happened, Matsukawa was first Oikawa’s friend before he became Iwaizumi’s too.

He pulled himself back to the present and looked – really looked – at Oikawa for the first time that day. He has always been the taller of the two, and no less strong as well. They’ve grown bigger from their own sports activities – swimming for him and volleyball for Oikawa – and if it came down to it, Oikawa could probably beat in him a lot of things physical.

But it didn’t change the fact Iwaizumi wanted to protect him; it has been the same ever since they met. He wanted to protect him and care for him. He wanted to see him happy. There was little in the world more beautiful than the way Oikawa’s face lights up when he smiles, or laughs. Iwaizumi would have done anything to keep the joy there. He couldn’t understand why saving Oikawa from a decision that would remove that joy was a way of not respecting him.

But if his conversation with both Oikawa and Matsukawa was anything to go by, Oikawa hadn’t been smiling a lot in the past three years. Iwaizumi probably could have seen his sadness if he tried, but he only chose to see the times when Oikawa was laughing or smiling at someone else. If Oikawa was already happy without him, what better way to keep that smile than to stay away?

Hanamaki dropped him off at his house first. Oikawa hadn’t stirred the whole trip back to Miyagi. Iwaizumi thanked the two for the trip, said sorry one last time, and closed the car door behind him.

Late that night, while he lay unable to sleep, Iwaizumi was tormented with the sound of Oikawa’s cries from their call. There was so much pain, so much anger in his tight voice that even the memory of it made Iwaizumi’s throat close up.

_He still cared. He still liked Oikawa. Goddammit._

He bolted up from the bed, suffered through push-ups until his muscles screamed against the strain. As he lay on the floor, breathing hard, he made a decision. A decision that only he would be affected, and no one else.

_If staying and leaving are going to have the same effect anyway, I’m going to take my chances with staying by his side. He at least deserves a choice, and I’m not about to give him less than he deserves ever again._

Iwaizumi didn’t know what time he finally fell asleep on the cold floor.

* * *

**[ One month later. March 2013. ]**

The weeks leading up to their graduation ceremony passed by in a blur. Iwaizumi mostly stayed at home, invited his friends over, or only ventured out to get something from the convenience store. It was too big of a risk running into Oikawa before he was ready.

 _Just until graduation_ , he thought. _I will be ready then. I promise._

Matsukawa and Hanamaki checked up on him every so often, and Iwaizumi fancied them his second set of parents. He would never admit that he appreciated them reaching out to him whenever he felt like he had no right to do so. They even updated him on how Oikawa was doing, as if they knew he was too afraid to ask. When it came down to it, they’re both natural at caring for people, and Iwaizumi didn’t begrudge Oikawa of their presence.

He needed and deserved them more than Iwaizumi did.

Finally, the fateful spring day in March arrived.

The trees blossomed in soft shades of pink and white, reminiscent of the sparse winter clouds in the sky. Flower petals fell like soft snowflakes, without the cold bite, and roads were filled with them, mimicking a pink carpet all over the city. The breeze carried a sweet scent whenever it blew—it was the smell of possibilities, of new beginnings. It was like waking up from a beautiful dream.

Iwaizumi took his time walking to Aoba Johsai High School as he admired the view. He couldn’t help but remember that around this time, three years ago, he had found out from Hanamaki that aside from Matsukawa, Oikawa was also accepted into the same high school as they were. It had ripped the world from under his feet, but he had taken it as his personal punishment to watch Oikawa learn to be happy without him.

So much for _that_.

And now, they were all faced with another crossroads. This time around, Iwaizumi was determined not to make another mistake.

The ceremony wasn’t until an hour after he arrived at the school, and he made his excuses for not leaving the classroom yet to search for his friends.

 _After the ceremony_ , he said. _Just until after the ceremony, I’ll find him again._

That didn’t stop him from looking around when their year had all finally gathered in the gym, and when they all walked back to the respective classrooms to receive goodbyes from their teachers and flowers from family and friends.

Strangely, Oikawa was nowhere to be seen.

He was among the tallest in their year, and it was hard to miss that mop of brown hair. Iwaizumi rationalized with himself.

_He’s just around. He’s probably with his friends from his class. I’ll see them all later._

But when everything came to a close later in the afternoon, the only people he found were Matsukawa and Hanamaki. For the first time that day, Iwaizumi let himself feel anxious.

“Where’s Oikawa? I need to talk to him.”

Matsukawa and Hanamaki shared a look, and Iwaizumi felt his stomach plummet for some unknown reason. Hanamaki put a hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, his face apologetic.

“He’s left already, almost a week ago. You remember when we told you he got accepted in a prestigious university with a good volleyball team? He didn’t want to tell you that it meant going to Argentina.”

“’Not that it would matter anyway’, he said,” added Matsukawa. “He made us swear not to tell, since he’s always been quick on the uptake. He’d known we’ve been updating you about him a week into the business.”

Iwaizumi felt a cold tingle in his fingertips and toes. His body felt weightless, as if the pull of gravity on him had been switched off.

_He’s gone? Gone from Japan? Not even Tokyo? Fucking Argentina? Where is that even?_

He didn’t feel himself sink to the ground. He didn’t feel the tears streaming from his eyes. He didn’t feel his friends crouch down beside him, hands on his back, his shoulders. He didn’t feel the curious looks he got from the other students.

Everything was just as cold and empty as the last winter had been. He swore he would never make another mistake, but even then, he was wrong again.

_I waited too long._

* * *

**[ Two years later. July 2015. ]**

Oikawa wiped the sweat off his brow as his gaze wandered on the window. Even with snow falling outside, the inside of the volleyball team’s gym was near sweltering from body heat and built-in heaters. He would have to bundle up before going back to the dorms.

It took him his entire freshman year to get used to the change in the seasons. Back in Japan, July is the peak of summer season, and it would probably be as hot there as inside the gym now, if not hotter. But here in the middle of Argentina, July was mid-winter, so much that they have a short winter break starting tomorrow.

His mind wandered to summers in Japan, to vacations on the beach, to fireworks and festivals and blazing fire flowers. He thought about Matsukawa and Hanamaki, wondered how the couple was spending their first summer break as college students. They never failed to email him, or send photos about the most mundane of things. They were currently thinking about “sharing a room” somewhere close to campus because “it was more practical” once second year starts in August.

Oikawa resisted calling them out on it. They seemed really happy with each other.

Without meaning to, his mind wandered to Iwaizumi as well. All the two said of him were in passing and never in much detail: that he got into a good university, that he chose to pursue some sports-related course but doesn’t play anything, that he was healthy and well. Oikawa never asked for these bits of information, but it was as if the two knew that he needed to know _something_.

“Tooru, we’re packing up. You coming?”

Oikawa shook his head from his thoughts and shot his teammates a smile. “I’ll be there in a bit!”

He walked alone a lot nowadays. It wasn’t that he didn’t have friends; the team he played with in his university were a tight bunch, and most of them stayed at the dorms as well. He also had a lot of other acquaintances from his classes, and he usually had someone to eat with. It has never been hard for him to make friends, after all.

But walking alone after training or a long day soothed him. He kept his pace slow, watching the snowflakes drift down from the cloud-covered sky. His feet sank a little in the snow on the pavement. He wondered if the cherry blossoms that fell during their graduation day looked as the snow did now. In his mind’s eye, he saw streets carpeted with pink instead of white. It probably wasn’t as cold.

By now he could walk to the campus, to the gym, and back to his dorm with his eyes closed. He remembered his first night in his new room. He had been alright throughout freshman orientation and even through the welcome party. He made quick friends, even picked up some new words in Spanish and English.

But the moment he was alone, in a room that he didn’t recognize, in a place he could barely speak the language, loneliness fell on his shoulders like an avalanche and he spent the whole night crying. He called Mattsun that night, who had tried to soothe him as best he could from thousands of miles away.

He got better, eventually. He used what little English he already knew to communicate, and persevered twice as hard to learn more of it. He used his amiable personality to make friends, who in turn helped him the best they could to adjust to the unfamiliar setting around him. By the end of his freshman year, he was used to his new city.

Oikawa stopped in front of the dorm building, frozen by what he saw. He hadn’t noticed when the snow stopped falling, or when he got there. He was too lost in thought.

“Oikawa. Tooru.”

When he stepped from out of the shadow, into the light of the nearest lamppost, Oikawa grew rigid even as his heart sped up against his will. He blinked his eyes, rubbed them, as if the man in front of him would disappear like an apparition.

_Like waking up from a dream._

He looked pretty much the same, if not sporting a tanner complexion. He had a luggage behind him, a backpack, and bundled in two heavy coats. He had his navy-blue scarf around his neck, the one with the bright green stripe. He pulled his hood back, and there was no longer any doubt about it.

Iwaizumi Hajime, in the flesh after two years.

“Haji— Iwaizumi. What are you doing here? How did you get here?”

Iwaizumi stepped forward, just close enough that he could reach out his hand to touch the man he’s never managed to grab ahold of, if he wanted to. But not yet; not just yet. He had a few things that needed to be said first.

The silence stretched between them, spanning thousands of miles and a total of five years.

“I… I had this whole speech prepared,” Iwaizumi finally said. His voice was the same as ever: tight, rumbling, reassuring. He met Oikawa’s eyes, held his gaze like a spell. “I had everything I wanted to say, but I can’t seem to remember anything right now.”

“Why don’t you start with answering my questions?”

“I took the plane here, from California. I go to university there now; I don’t know if Hanamaki mentioned. I’m in sports science, studying physical training. Remember when you got your knee injury in second year but you still wanted to play? I’ve wanted to know how I could help you ever since. It’s currently our summer break right now though, but I read that it gets pretty cold down here around this time. I tried to come prepared.”

He suddenly stopped, aware that he was rambling. Oikawa kept staring, thoughts wild and a total mess.

_He’s in sports science to help me. He read up on Argentinian weather. He took a plane here. What does it all mean?_

“And what you’re doing here?”

“I… I wanted to see you.”

Suddenly, it felt like a damn broke inside Iwaizumi, and his words spilled out of him before Oikawa could react—words he had kept to himself, waiting until they could be said to the person they belonged to.

To the person they were owed.

“I wanted to see you. I have so many things I wanted to tell you, but you were gone by graduation. That was my fault again; I waited too long. I swore I wouldn’t make another mistake, but I waited. I never should have made you wait. Not then. Not five years ago. Not ever.”

Iwaizumi felt tears clog his airpipe and flood into his eyes, but he kept them on Oikawa. He was so _beautiful_. In the flurry of snow and blur of tears, even when he couldn’t see clearly, Oikawa was beautiful.

_To hell with pride, to hell with appearances. They’ve never helped me before._

“I wanted to say I’m sorry, in person. I didn’t consider what you felt, I didn’t think of you at all. I thought I was doing you a favor, but Matsukawa was right: I never respected you. I wanted to take care of you, but I didn’t know how too. I was immature, and I was wrong. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. That was never my intention. I’m sorry, Tooru.”

The tears shone brilliant against Iwaizumi’s skin, and his strong gaze kept Oikawa’s eyes pinned on him. Under the light of the lamppost, they looked like crystal fountains flowing down his face. He kept going.

“I’m here to tell you that I want to take my chances with you. I’m laying down the choice at your feet this time, to take me or cast me away. Whatever you choose, I’ve already chosen you. I love you.”

Oikawa’s breath hitched. How long had he waited for someone to tell him those words, to bare their heart before him all raw and pure?

How long had he wished that that someone would be Hajime?

Iwaizumi fell on his knees, hands in fists on his thighs, chanting “I’m sorry, Tooru, I’m sorry” like it was a prayer. Oikawa didn’t notice when tears started falling from his own eyes. He knelt down in front of Iwaizumi, took his face in his gloved hands. Beautiful, beautiful eyes; raw and honest and true.

“Thank you. Thank you.”

His arms came around Iwaizumi’s neck, clutched him as close as he’d wanted to many times before. After a beat, he felt Iwaizumi’s arms wrap around his own waist, his touch both gentle and strong.

Oikawa had never felt more treasured. The snow kept falling around them that chilly Argentinian July, but in his heart, it felt like a July evening in Japan.

The sunlight the next morning was brilliant and golden. Oikawa woke up when it tickled his eyelids open. He stretched his arms over his head and found something that made the morning a hundred times better.

Curled up beside him, with softened features and usually-spiky hair all droopy, was the man who has held his heart since middle school, even if they both didn’t know it then.

Oikawa turned on his side gingerly, ran his fingers just above Iwaizumi’s face. Tracing his features as if committing them to memory. His nose wrinkled when Oikawa’s fingers ghosted over it, and Oikawa felt his heart swell. His eyes finally blinked open; his lips curled into a lazy smile.

“I love you.”

Oikawa chuckled to hide the pitter-patter in his chest in realizing that Iwaizumi’s morning thoughts were immediately of him. “Good morning to you too.”

Iwaizumi reached over and pulled Oikawa into a tight hug, nuzzling his face in the soft mess of brown on Oikawa’s head. “Hmm. I love you, Tooru.”

“You said that already.”

“I was five years too late. I’ll make up for it for the rest of our lives.”

Oikawa caressed Iwaizumi’s arm around his waist. “You’re such a big sap.”

“I’m your big sap.” He frowned against Oikawa’s skin. “But don’t tell the two other knuckleheads. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Yeah, alright,” Oikawa said with a chuckle as he wriggled away from Iwaizumi’s grip, much to the latter’s dismay. “Get up from there. I want to show you around here, and I only have two weeks for the break.”

Hajime was about to protest, then decided against it. He smiled with all the joy his heart contained, then reached out and cupped Oikawa’s face. And knew that he held his whole world in his hands.

_I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m not going to make the both of us wait anymore._

**Author's Note:**

> *cue the longest sigh ever*
> 
> Gods, was this a ride and a half. I've never written in such a frenzy before, and it felt great to finally let this story out. I've considered hard how I wanted to share it: would it be a completely new story, with original characters and worlds? Or maybe a Twitter socmed fic (which I tried and failed) to try and make it funny? Or would it be just this, in fanfiction prose? The decision was difficult, but here we are.
> 
> This is a piece of my heart, and may be a lot more personal to me than my other works. As Jane Austen (played by Anne Hathaway in ‘Becoming Jane’) said: "My characters will have, after a little bit of trouble, all that they desire." Call it a projection if you will; this is a manifestation, a way for me to get the happy ending I never had the chance to grasp.
> 
> Anyway enough sap. I hope Oikawa and Iwaizumi managed to tell the story well, and I really do hope you liked it. Comment what you think, and kudos are always very much appreciated. They make me happy. ^^ Love lots, and as always: keep it chill. ^^


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